3/11/24

For years, after my arrest, I avoided my taxes. I knew it was a can of worms that I didn't know how I would handle. I had other major steps, but I wasn't ready to deal with my taxes.

I completed 3 years of probation and was released without incident. My PO have even allowed me to travel to Mexico (which I guess isn't a permission many people received).

My restitution was $25,000 and they were taking 10% of my check for that. I still remember the day that I finished paying that in full and was able to ask my attorney to file the form to have my record expunged. I remember it was a Monday morning, I received a larger deposit in my account. Went online, paid the balance with the Iowa Court Online. Then sent an email to my attorney. Within 24 hours, there was no record there. It was like they erased it. It can still be found in a few AP stories online, but otherwise, I was no longer a felon.

I hadn't filed taxes since before the arrest. I know my attorney asked me once if I had filed, and I said no. He actually said that was good because if I had filed it improperly, I could get federal charges. Okay, I guess? When I finally got all the taxes filed, I owed another $25k to IRS and $25k to Iowa taxes. I really thought I would never get ahead. Good thing Javier and I didn't want to get married, because I would never let someone sign up for all this - at least legally. Iowa was first in line - they made it so I couldn't register a car. Talk about getting you by the balls! So I made a payment plan. But I needed to spread the payments to everyone, so they only got $250 a month. I would never have it paid off. Then as I started moving my priorities around, I got to the point that I was paying $600 a month. Around this same timeframe, I was dealing with the IRS. I filled out an Offer in Compromise. I asked the IRS to settle my $25k (tax lien was $23,645.14) debt for $500. After having to refile because a form was updated. Then we had all the COVID delays. We went back and forth a little and I ended up settling for $2k. Wrote that check and prayed that was the end of it. 10/16/23 was the day the tax lien was released.

I was getting the Iowa taxes paid as quick as I could - but I was also fighting with Disability, so I had no income. They told me that "everyone" gets denied the first time. So when I was denied, I appealed it. I have been fighting for everything else, why not argue with Social Security too. I figured if my appeal was denied, then I would get a disability  lawyer. To my surprise, I won my appeal. They only went back 4 months even though I had been on the process for over 2 years. That was such a relief. I had to laugh… as soon as the government said I was too sick to work, they took away my food stamps and medical, because now I made too much. Food Stamps fine, I accepted that. Medical too? Oh no, they can keep the disability money, I needed my insurance. We went back and forth and I was put on a separate program (MEPD - Medicaid for Employed People with Disabilities). I just have to sell $34 a month in clothes or whatever online. Then I have to turn around and pay them $34 a month for my insurance premium. Sounds like a government way to mess with people.  (and I will word vomit somewhere else about how that is going)

Then the first week of March 2024, I made my last payment to the state of Iowa for my back taxes. I did it. Everything I have successfully got through, I did it with this man by my side, supporting me as I have had to fight for everything.

• Finishing probation with no issues

• Unemployment months of fighting and appeals, but I won

• All the medical issues that I fight with doctors daily

• $25,000 restitution paid

• $25,000 IRS paid (negotiated)

• $25,000 Iowa Taxes paid

Unfortunately, I have messed up big time and he is now on my ass again. My addiction of choice is gambling. It always has been. I could go the rest of my life without alcohol or drugs, but let me gamble. After all this that I have accomplished, I thought I could enjoy some gambling here and there… I won't say all of it is due to gambling, but as of today, I have $18,306.78 in credit card debt.  I didn't even have credit with Javier meet me. I didn't even have a checking account. Dupaco Credit Union really helped me rebuild my credit. But then when I was do so well, I got another card and another card… Javier told me, don't do anything stupid. It was too late. I pay $800 a month in CC payments, and they charge $600 a month in interest (maybe not the exactly ratio, but close).

So today, I went through all my credit card statements since September, when I first told him I messed up bad. I can see all the payments, all the interest, and the very few purchases. I'm nervous to talk to him about it again, but I can't keep ignoring things. Sometimes I don't know if I am ignoring it or if it is too much for my failing mind. I 1000% want someone to take over my finances. Give me 25% of my income as spending, then they can deal with the credit card payments. I know years ago there were places that did that, and I know that 3 years ago my mind wouldn't have an issues doing this - but literally takes me 10x to figure out simple things. And at that point, I give up. I used to work with numbers all day and analyze stuff - I can't even tell you what my password is. Because I have to reset that damn thing every day. I know we will get through it, but somedays I wonder why he puts up with my shit. So maybe he and I can figure something out with my cards and it will be one more things that I can say he helped me with.